Selecting an executor for an estate is a decision that extends beyond mere administrative convenience; it can shape family relationships and the efficient distribution of assets. While many clients instinctively name a family member, wealth managers increasingly counsel that a professional or third-party executor may be the more prudent choice in certain circumstances.
Justin Coffin, a wealth management advisor at Apollon Wealth Management, emphasizes that the decision hinges on personal circumstances, including the estate's complexity, family dynamics, and geographic considerations. The executor must navigate both personal and administrative challenges, a dual role that can strain even the most capable relative. "The goal is to identify someone capable of managing the actual work of navigating the probate process with the professional team who is also able to navigate potential family or business dynamics," Coffin said. He warns that death often amplifies existing tensions, especially when dividing personal belongings and money.
Kevin Kaylakie, partner and president of Prime Capital Family Office, notes that a family member or friend can reduce probate costs, but only if they fully understand the role's responsibilities and time commitment. "This person should be aware they may become the focus of ire should a family member not receive what they believed to be their fair share of the estate," Kaylakie said. He advises clients to inform potential executors in advance to avoid the "surprise, you're an executor" moment.
Eric Dostal, managing director at Wealthspire, argues that judgment, organization, and emotional steadiness should outweigh birth order when choosing an executor. "Advisors should remind clients that an executor is a fiduciary, meaning they are legally responsible for acting in the best interest of the estate and by extension the estate's beneficiaries," Dostal said. He points out that complex assets, family tension, real estate, business interests, or significant tax issues may exceed the capacity of a trusted family member alone.
When should a professional executor be appointed? Coffin recommends a third party when the estate is large and complex or when family members are likely to struggle with one another. "If you have a large, complex estate that is going to require managing, selling, and distributing multiple specialized assets, a professional or experienced third party may be worth considering despite the additional expense," he said. Kaylakie often suggests a professional executor and corporate trustee for complex estates or fraught family dynamics, noting that professionals bring expertise and impartiality. "Having a trusted guide during difficult times may far outweigh the price paid," Kaylakie added.
Dostal echoes this sentiment, advocating for professional executors when neutrality is more valuable than familiarity—common in blended families, sibling conflict, substantial wealth, closely held businesses, or illiquid assets. "I often tell clients: if naming one child creates a second problem inside the family, consider naming a professional and let the children stay siblings instead of turning one of them into the referee," Dostal said. The broader context of the $124 trillion wealth transfer underscores the importance of sound executor choices, as more families face complex estate decisions.
Ultimately, the decision to appoint a family member or a professional executor requires a frank assessment of the estate's complexity, family dynamics, and the executor's capabilities. As Coffin notes, "We remind clients that death can bring out both the best and the worst in families." Advisors can help clients navigate this choice by emphasizing fiduciary duties and the long-term impact on family harmony. For more on preparing heirs, see Wealthspire's Lendnal: Financial Literacy for Heirs Begins Before Estate Planning.
